Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
