Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
