I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
