he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize