I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
