i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just gift wrapped bread.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
