i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
