Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im six kinds of drunk right now
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
