I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
