I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
