someone owes me an orgasm
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
