woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
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Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
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Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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