Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
