just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
