Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
