I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
