just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
