Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
