I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
