If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
