My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
