I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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