I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
