get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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