Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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