i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
