goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
