True but thats because hes a fetus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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