Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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