I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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