you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
