I want to make a zoo with you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
