Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
