we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You ruined the universe
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
