I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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