How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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