This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
