Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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