Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
barbara walters just said penis...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
