I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
