I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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