a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
