You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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