You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Randomize
