If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
