Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
