why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
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