I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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