Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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