Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
