do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
