dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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