i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
