I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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