Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
