i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
