how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
