i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
