she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
BRING THE BAGELS
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
