I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
