I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I smell like Dick and happiness
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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