I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
