My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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