I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
