if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
