Swine flu is the new snow day.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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