i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
