Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
