i permit you to call me
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
