First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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