forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
