I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
