I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
