even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
