I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize