she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
