I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
