In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
