So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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